We need wisdom.
We have been looking at pivotal passages of Scripture and this Sunday brings us to 1 Kings 12. It is the section we are calling “Fractured Kingdom.” In this single chapter–and because of a single leader’s choice–a nation cast a nation into chaos. This chapter charts the course of the rest of the Old Testament and is the key to unlocking the rest of Scripture. If you want to understand the Bible, you must understand what happens here.
Not only is this passage pivotal, it serves as a proverb for life. The question facing the King was, “Whom will I trust?” We all have a “Cabinet of Counselors.” These are the people we choose as “counselors” and they can dictate the direction of our lives–not our life only but also those whose lives depend on us. We will examine, “Who’s at your table?”
Podcast: Download (Duration: 58:42 — 40.3MB)
Downloads
Notes Transcript Video Audio iTunesGrace Fellowship Church
Buddy Hoffman
Series: One Story: Digging Deeper
February 3, 2013
Fractured Kingdom: Who’s At Your Table?
1 Kings 12
If you’re here this morning and do not have a Bible with you, slip up your hand, and I want to put a Bible in your hand. You’re going to need one this morning, and you’re also going to need one of those blue sheets. We’re going to cover an absolutely pivotal passage of Scripture this morning. It is pivotal.
Just like when we looked back at 2 Samuel 7, where this was this God’s Oath to the Earth and we’re going through the different big episodes of Scripture, but we’re digging a bit deeper as we’re going back through here. Some of these, we’re going to come back in and probably do a whole series on.
If you don’t have that notebook, the Episodes Notebook, this is what you really want to organize your Bible study around, because the Bible around a narrative, and it’s the kingdom of God. I have to tell you, until probably 10 years ago or so, if you had asked me, “What is the big story of the Bible?” I would’ve said, “Jesus,” and that is true. But what you find is the grand arc of the narrative, Jesus is the visible image of the invisible God. Jesus is the personification of the kingdom.
So your answer is right. It’s about Jesus, but it’s about the kingdom of God. We’ve looked at the Kingdom Foundations. We’ve looked at the Kingdom Families. We’ve looked at Kingdom Freedom. We’ve looked at Kingdom Fighting. You recognize that repeating theme there. We looked at Famous Kings, and there’s Saul, and there’s David, and there’s Solomon.
Now the passage we are going to look at this morning here in chapter 12, if you don’t know what happened here, at least 60 percent of the rest of the Bible, you’re going to be confused. You’re going to read through the rest of these. Ezekiel, and you’re going to read Daniel, and you’re going to read Hosea. If you don’t know what happens here, there’s going to be a civil war take place. There’s going to become two kingdoms. There’s going to be the 10 northern tribes. There’s going to be the two southern tribes. The color of this period of time is black. The symbol is a bull, because they really abandoned the worship of the true God. They really become idolaters there.
I’m going to come back in and give you some more details, but I want just for you to see the episode. I want to show you what happens, and we want to make an application. If you’re looking at that handout sheet and you’re wondering, “Hey, where’s Buddy’s pulpit this morning?” we have a table, and it’s for a reason, because the title of this is Who’s At Your Table?
Whether you recognize it or not, you have people who are your counselors. They are people whom you listen to. If you think of this as like a conference table, there are people who sit at that table, who speak into your life, who help you make decisions, who help you gain perspective. If you think of you as You, Incorporated, there’s a CEO. There is a treasurer. There are advisors you have around your table, and one of the most important decisions you make is…Who is allowed a seat at that table?
Some of you, the only one at the table is you. I mean, it’s you talking to you talking to you who’s talking to you who’s talking to you over there. Now that is actually what happens with Jeroboam. He ends up leading the nation into the worship of really the bull that he gets out of Egypt. I hate to say this, but if you end up with you as your counselor, that’s what you end up with, is a lot of bull, and it doesn’t really go good places. Let me go through the big points here, and then I just want to read the passage with you.
1. Why Jay and Ray matter? I know most of you are thinking, “Jeroboam. I don’t know anybody named Jeroboam.” So let’s just shorten his name up a little bit. We could call him Jerry. Why does Jay matter? Why does Ray matter? Why does Rehoboam matter?
If you looked at this thing through like a timeline and the Famous Kings and the Fractured Kingdom, the northern kingdom is going to be led by Jeroboam. It’s Jay’s crowd, and he’s going to lead that 10 tribes into idolatry and into wickedness and into detestable practices where they’re going to sacrifice their babies on the altars. It is just a perversion unimagined.
The southern kingdom is going to be led by Rehoboam. Here’s how I remember the two, the fractured kingdoms. The rest of the kings, after the famous kings are like junior kings. They really aren’t that good. There are a couple of kings who did fairly well, but nobody measures up to those three famous kings afterwards. How many of you have ever read through the Kings, and you just thought, “That is a kingdom of confusion”? It’s very interesting, but if you get this part, the grid falls into place.
2. What is a yoke? I don’t mean in terms of eggs. What is a yoke? Now I’m reading out of the New Living, and it doesn’t translate that yoke. It talks about bondage and this kind of thing. But in the Bible, there is a word that is used consistently translated in the King James, in the New American Standards, in the ESVs. The reason they translate that consistently yoke is because it actually means something in the Bible, and through the Bible you see this reoccurring theme of a yoke.
The yoke really is the people who are sitting at your table. It is the system that you are engaged in. It is the culture. Like, for instance, in Isaiah 58, he says, “This is the fast I have chosen, to break the bonds, to break the yoke of injustice.” Now I seriously doubt that anybody here has ever actually put your hand on a yoke, but everybody who would’ve read this would’ve known exactly what that is. That is where you take a piece of wood, and you carve it out, and it fits against the oxen’s shoulders, and they lean into it, and they pull the plow.
Now one of the things that is really interesting about that reality is that when you put two oxen together, they don’t pull twice the weight; they actually pull more than four times the weight. The synergy as they work together, it changes everything. It’s one of the reasons we have all the small groups we have, and that’s one of the reasons you need to look at the community you’re involved in. When you get involved in a community, you can accomplish so much more working together than you can working individually. It’s not even a comparison. It grows in multiplication.
3. How do we pick our paths and partners? How do we pick those paths and partners?
4. Who’s in your Cabinet? This is where you’re going to have to do a little homework. Who are the people who are you counselors? Who are your advisors? Who are the people that when you have decisions in life their opinion really matters?
5. What will be the cost of our choices? Never make the mistake of thinking that the only person your choice affects is you. Choices have generational consequences. When you make a choice and you pick a path and you pick a partner and you move a direction, you choose not just a decision, but a direction and a destiny. It’s important to recognize it comes back to making wise choices.
Let me say one more thing before we start digging in the passage. It is inadequate simply to teach your child how to behave in certain situations. It’s impossible to cover the number of situations. What is absolutely essential to teach our children is how to make spiritually critical decisions, how to think through, how to choose and make and bring around them the people to make wise choices. That’s not only true for our children; that is true for us personally.
Let’s look at the passage if you have your Bible open there. In chapter 11, verse 27 down through the end of the chapter is really this is Jeroboam’s story. Jeroboam is a hard worker. He’s capable. He’s smart. Solomon sees it. He puts him in charge of all the workforce. Then a prophet, Ahijah, comes by, and prophets had a propensity to do dramatic things. He rips his new cloth into 12 pieces, and he gives him 10 of them, and he says, “God has selected you. You’re going to lead the northern tribes, those 10 tribes.”
As soon as Solomon hears that, man, Solomon decides he’s going to put this now appointed, anointed new king of the northern tribes to death. Who does that remind you of? Saul. Saul. What happened when Saul heard David was going to be the next king? He was going to kill him, right? Okay, let me ask again. Who does that remind you of? Oh! You are such spiritual geniuses.
What happens with Solomon is, and it’s an extremely sad story, is Solomon becomes Pharaoh. He puts everybody, all the aliens, into slavery. All the immigrants, he designs a system so they just live in slavery. All the citizens, they make them really the possession of the king, all the land, all the people, everything there. Solomon becomes a tyrant and really he becomes extremely famous in the world, but he becomes ashamed before God, and God says, “I’m going to take those tribes away.”
So Solomon dies. Chapter 12: Rehoboam. Now Rehoboam is the singular son of Solomon. That’s always remarkable to me. He is the only son mentioned of Solomon in the Bible. Now do you remember how many wives Solomon had? A lot, but it seems like he only had one son. I don’t want to be dogmatic about it, but this is the only one named.
“Rehoboam went to Shechem, where all Israel had gathered to make him king.” That’s the northern kingdom. “When Jeroboam…” That’s the one who’s going to lead this northern kingdom. “…heard of this, he returned from Egypt…” Remember what happened? He goes running away because Solomon is going to kill him. He goes, hides out in Egypt, but what happens is Egypt gets into Jeroboam. It’s a lot easier to get out of Egypt than to get Egypt out of you.
“…for he had fled to Egypt to escape from King Solomon. The leaders of Israel summoned him, and Jeroboam and the whole assembly of Israel went to speak with Rehoboam. ‘Your father was a hard master…'” If you’re looking at that (and I have this actually in a different translation), he said, “Your father made our yoke heavy.” That’s verse 4. “Your father made our yoke heavy; now therefore, lighten the burdensome service of your father, and his heavy yoke which he put on us, and we will serve you.” (1 Kings 12:1-4)
Now again, the yoke is that system you’re tied up in. He says, “This yoke that your father Solomon has put upon us, he has made us slaves, and we are willing to be governed, but we are not willing to be slaves.” The Bible talks about in Exodus 1:14, the yoke of Pharaoh. In Isaiah, it talks about the yoke upon the weak. They’re trapped into that system. Jeremiah talks about the yoke of Babylon. Galatians 5:1 says, “Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.” (Galatians 5:1)
This is a rhetorical question. Don’t answer it except in your head. Have you ever found yourself in a really legalistic church? Some of you have already answered. You’re nodding your head. Where you just felt the yoke, the bondage, that even like when you give, you feel like you’re just paying a bill. You find yourself feeling like God isn’t happy with you always. You go to bed every night thinking, “I didn’t really do enough for God today.” When you think about God, you don’t think about God smiling upon you with delight. You think about God just going, “Can’t you get your act together?”
Now I’m just going to tell you something. If you were raised in that kind of environment, somebody has lied to you about Dad. Dad delights in us. He likes us. He likes us a lot. Do you ever just feel the pleasure of God? Do you ever just feel almost the burden, like, “God, why are you so fond of me?” If you don’t, you’re not hearing the Holy Spirit, because God is fond of you, unbelievably fond of you.
How many of you have kids? Yeah. Last night, Karis was spending the night at the house, first time she spent a night away from the house. So everything went really well until she went up to Spring’s room, and they laid down and Spring prayed with her. It was time to go to bed, and she looks up and she goes, “I need to go home!”
Have any of you had that with your grandkids? They’re like, “I need to go home.” Spring was pretty smart. She goes, “But if you go to sleep, in the morning, we’ll go to the Waffle House.” She goes, “I want to go to the Waffle House, but I need to go home.” Now do you think we stomped around the house and said, “You silly child, what’s wrong with you?” We actually thought it was all pretty cute. I actually wanted to video tape it, and they wouldn’t let me.
God delights in us. He says, “Don’t allow yourself to get underneath that yoke of bondage.” Second Corinthians 6:14 talks about, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” (2 Corinthians 6:14) We need to be careful the yokes we step in. Every one of us, whether we recognize it or not, are caught in some yoke.
Verse 5: He says, “‘Depart for three days, then come back to me.’ And the people departed.” (1 Kings 12:5) That was a wise decision. “Let me think about it.” Verse 6: “Then King Rehoboam…” Look at this word. “…consulted…” You’re going to see that word over and over. He consulted “…the elders who stood before…” Literally, he consulted with the consultants. “…his father Solomon while he still lived, and he said, ‘How do you [counsel] me to answer these people?'” (1 Kings 12:6) Three times actually in that one verse is this thing of counsel.
“What counsel would you give to me? How should I answer these people? I need that counseling.” They gave him a great answer in verse 7. “And they spoke to him, saying, ‘If you will be a servant to these people today, and serve them, and answer them, and speak good words to them, then they will be your servants forever.'” (1 Kings 12:7)
They said, “If you’ll just go up there and be kind…” Have you ever thought about just how much kindness does? I mean, sometimes our response is so often, “Well, I’m going to tell them off.” You can, but it really doesn’t usually get you anywhere. It doesn’t. It may make you feel better.
I was in Minneapolis this week. We had a training up there for sharing the gospel with Muslims. People in Minneapolis are nice. Any Minneapolis people here? Really? Nobody in here from Minneapolis? Man, in the first service, we had a bunch of people from Minneapolis, and I understand why they moved. It’s cold. It was 27 degrees below zero.
I was on vacation the first part of January, and I was down in West Palm, and it was 87. I don’t know what the difference there, but I think it’s like 114 degrees difference. But nice goes a long way. I mean, it’s like everybody up there is Mary Tyler Moore or something. It’s like, “Wow! What a bunch of nice people. It’s cold here, but you guys are nice.”
They advised him, “Just be their servants. Be a servant and they’ll serve you back. Verse 8: “But he rejected…” Look at this. “…the advice [counsel] which the [counselors] had [counseled]…” (1 Kings 12:8) In the original here, in the Hebrew, the repetitiveness of this counsel is so important.
“…and [counseled with] the young men who had grown up with him, who stood before him. And he said to them, ‘What [counsel] do you give? How should we answer this people who have spoken to me, saying, “Lighten the yoke which your father put on us”?’
Then the young men who had grown up with him spoke to him, saying, ‘Thus you should speak to this people who have spoken to you, saying, “Your father made our yoke heavy, but you make it lighter on us”—thus you shall say to them: “My little finger shall be thicker than my father’s waist! And now, whereas my father put a heavy yoke on you, I will add to your yoke; my father chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scourges!”‘” (1 Kings 12:8-11) It’s an intimidation thing. He says, “Dad used a whip. I’m going to use one of those whips with little hooks in it. It’s going to be worse than you can possibly imagine.”
“So Jeroboam and all the people came to Rehoboam the third day, as the king had directed, saying, ‘Come back to me the third day.’ Then the king answered the people…” Look at this. “…roughly, and rejected the [counsel] which the elders had given him…” (1 Kings 12:12-13) Let me just say here that it’s important for us or any of us who are responsible for leading others, the fact that you’re in charge gives you no right to be mean.
I see this frequently with dads and their kids. They’re just angry and mean and speak roughly to the children. Let me just say this. The Bible actually says, “Father, do not provoke your children to wrath.” I think there are some times you’ll find fathers who either they feel insecure or they’re afraid of their responsibilities and they don’t know how to carry out that leadership with kindness. We need to recognize as dads, we have this responsibility to say things clearly and firmly, but to do so in a kind way.
I don’t have any problem with this at all, and I know it’s so un-PC it’s ridiculous. I actually believe that a husband needs to lead the home. Well, we’re through. Like five of us still agree with that, but I believe a husband has the responsibility to lead a home spiritually. Let me just say this to you (and if you don’t know this, you need to know this), if you have to tell somebody you’re in charge, you’re not.
Nowhere in the Bible does it say, “Husbands, submit your wife.” That’s not your job. If she is submissive to you and follows you, that’s her gift to you from God. That’s her responsibility. If she doesn’t follow you and she will not, she will stand accountable to God for that, and it’s not your job to make her do it, but it is your job to make her want to do it. Amen?
Now then, let me give you guys another piece of advice. That same chapter that says submission says submit to one another, and that same chapter that says submit to one another, in the same little paragraph there, says your job in your family is to be Christ Jesus to your wife. Yeah, two of us agree on that. If you think it’s a tough job to be submissive, husband’s job is to die. That’s a pretty big job. Jesus died. He laid down his life for the church. Your job is to lay down your life. So anyway. Aha.
Verse 14: “…and he spoke to them according to the [counsel] of the young men…” (1 Kings 12:14). Verse 15: “So the king did not listen to the people; for the turn of events was from the Lord…” (1 Kings 12:15) Verse 16: “Now when all Israel saw that the king did not listen to them, the people answered the king, saying: ‘What share have we in David? We have no inheritance in the son of Jesse. To your tents, O Israel!'” (1 Kings 12:16) This is where the kingdom divides. This is where the kingdom fractures.
Verse 17: “But Rehoboam reigned over the children of Israel who dwelt in the cities of Judah. Then King Rehoboam sent Adoram, who was in charge of the revenue…” This is his enforcement team. “…but all Israel stoned him with stones, and he died.” Now this was the smartest move Rehoboam makes. “Therefore King Rehoboam mounted his chariot in haste to flee to Jerusalem. So Israel has been in rebellion against the house of David to this day.” (1 Kings 12:17-19)
Just jot this down somewhere. Rules without relationship always result in rebellion. Rules without relationship always end in rebellion. It’s so interesting to me that when people have problems, churches have problems, businesses have problems. Maybe there’s one person who’s doing something that’s driving everybody else crazy. Do you know what they do? They write a policy.
Something happens and somebody in the church does something. So the board gets together and they write a policy. Do you know what? They just don’t have the courage to go talk to the person. The relationship needs to come first. If there’s a problem, you don’t need like a 300-page handbook. What you need is a relationship where doors are opened and you resolve things biblically. If you have a problem with someone, Matthew 18 says to do what? Write a policy! You got a problem with someone, go to that person. Not on Twitter. Not on Facebook.
We get around this in the church by doing this. “I’m grieved. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to betray a confidence, but I need a partner to pray with. I need you to pray with me about how Jim has so offended me. Just would you pray with me? Here’s what I need you to pray with me.” Then somebody else goes to somebody else and says, “Jim offended so and so, and we just need to pray for them.”
So we use prayer as a guise to gossip. Huh? Can you amen that? See, we’re really good at amening the stuff that’s their problem, but the ones that are our problem, we don’t like amening that too much.
If somebody comes to you and somebody is offended and they say, “I’d like to share with you because I’m so grieved. So and so has grieved me,” say, “Well, wait a minute. Before you give me any names, before you engage me in your sin, before you make me a confederate to your wickedness, let me ask you. Have you gone to that person personally and tried to straighten that out?”
“No. I’m too grieved. I’m afraid.”
“Okay, you have two problems. Instead of fear, you need to replace that with faith, and you’re a gossip, and I’m so sorry about that, and I will pray with you. Let me pray with you right now. ‘God, Jim is a gossip, and he’s living in sin, and he has abandoned faith for fear, and God, please put it in his heart to obey you.’ Let me know when you talk to him. Call me.”
Verse 19: They lived in rebellion after that. Then Rehoboam assembles a team to go up and fight with them, and God says, “No, you are not to fight your family. You’re not to go to war with your family.” That’s the first thing that Rehoboam does wisely. Then in verse 25, “Then Jeroboam built Shechem in the mountains of Ephraim, and dwelt there.” (1 Kings 12:25) He builds himself a castle there.
Now here’s where Jeroboam takes his own counsel. “And Jeroboam said in his heart, ‘Now the kingdom may return to the house of David: If these people go up to offer sacrifices in the house of the Lord at Jerusalem, then the heart of this people will turn back to their lord, Rehoboam king of Judah, and they will kill me and go back to Rehoboam king of Judah.'” (1 Kings 12:26-27) What he does here is he sets up this counterfeit religion that is characterized by this worship of the bull.
Here’s the question…How do we pick our paths and how do we pick our partners? If you’re taking notes there, this is so absolutely important you fill this in. God’s Word is God’s will. God’s Word is God’s will. If you want to know whether you’re supposed to do something, read the Bible! Read the Bible. God’s Word is God’s will.
Psalm 1: “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and in His law he meditates day and night.” (Psalm 1:1-2) “You will guide me with Your counsel…” (Psalm 73:24).
“But My people would not heed My voice, and Israel would have none of Me. So I gave them over to their own stubborn heart…” (Psalm 81:11-12) “They did not wait for His counsel…” (Psalm 106:13) “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally…” (James 1:5)
There are so many passages we could look at. Proverbs is so clear on this. “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” (Proverbs 11:14). “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise.” (Proverbs 12:15) “Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established. (Proverbs 15:22)
“Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter days. There are many plans in a man’s heart, nevertheless the LORD’s counsel—that will stand.” (Proverbs 19:20-21) “A wicked man hardens his face, but as for the upright, he establishes his way. There is no wisdom or understanding or counsel against the LORD.” (Proverbs 21:29-30) I love this passage here. “Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed.” Listen to this. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” (Proverbs 27:5-6)
Have you ever had a situation where you really needed to tell somebody something and you knew it wasn’t going to be received well? Have you ever had somebody come and tell you something that really when they told you, it really pricked your heart and stuck deeply, but you recognized they were telling you this not because they were mad at you, not because they didn’t love you, but because they did love you? That’s a real friend who’ll tell you the truth even at the risk of the friendship.
Now then, in this number four, Who’s in your Cabinet? and you can go, “The only thing I have in my cabinet is like ketchup and salt. I have a cabinet, and it’s food in my cabinet.” Here’s what I want you to be very clear about. You have a yoke. You have a Cabinet, and there are people whom you listen to and you have learned to listen to, and if you get clarity on who those people are, you’ll understand a lot more about who you are. If you get clarity on… Because some of you need to fire some people in your Cabinet. Some of you have open seats you don’t have that you need to speak into your life.
Here’s number one. Who is the CEO of You, Incorporated? Yes! See, if you were ever in church and you’re like wondering, “He just asked a question, and I don’t the answer,” the two safe answers are always God or Jesus. Just go, “Uh, Jesus?” and like 90 percent of the time you’ll be right. Jesus calls you and he says, “Come unto me all you who are tired, and you’re weary, and you’re burdened down.” This is what he says, “Take my yoke upon you. Learn of me, for it’s easy and it’s light.”
The word there easy and light, literally, it’s the word that it fits. It’s a yoke that’s designed for you. It’s like shoes you like. They’re just comfortable shoes. How many of you are like into comfortable shoes? Yes! Look at my shoes. These are ugly boots, and I love them. They don’t match anything, and guess how much I care? Now I’m going to do a funeral this afternoon, and I’m going to go home. I’m going to put on my nice suit and everything, and I’m not going to be comfortable. But as soon as that funeral is over, I’m going to go home and I’m going to put back on what I like.
When you allow Jesus to be King, not just Savior, not just someone out there who is one of the other voices in your life, but one who says, “God, I know you died for me. Jesus, I know you saved me, but I want you to be CEO. I want you to be King.” Now many of you here, you have received Jesus Christ as your… You know the only way you can go to heaven is trusting Jesus to forgive you of your sins and you talk to Jesus and you pray, but you kind of talk to Jesus like he’s one of the friends. That’s good and that’s nice and that’s intimate and that’s cool, but let me tell you something. He is Messiah. That means liberating King.
A lot of you, you’re going to go to heaven when you die, but you have really kind of made a mess in between that conversion and when you get to eternity. Your world is like this, and you don’t know where you’re going because you don’t have a King. You need a King. We need a King.
If you think you’re smart enough to run your own life, I don’t think I have any words to persuade you. It’s what called in Proverbs a fool. You’re a fool. You have no idea what tomorrow even holds. We have no idea what this afternoon holds.
A few weeks ago, when I stepped off that porch, broke my leg, it wasn’t like I was thinking the day before, “Tomorrow I’m going to break my leg.” Do you know what? God knew. God was already working. God was already preparing. You say, “Couldn’t he like have kept you from doing that?” I thought about that…a lot, as soon as my brain cleared from the drugs.
Jesus is the King! Now then, there are other people who need to be at your table. One of them are your parents! I know some of you have parents who have violated their right to sit at the table, and if your parents have sexually abused you or whatever it is, you go, “I’m firing you. You’re away from the table.” Okay? That’s fine. But this is what the Bible teaches. You’re to honor your mother and your father.
You say, “Well, I just know so much more information than they do.” And that is probably true. You probably have to program your mom and dad’s TV, but the fact that you have a lot of information, information is never a substitute for experience. I’m just telling you. You might can design roads and build roads and build cars and build computers, but there is no substitute for having been down the road and saw there’s a bridge out. Amen?
Now you may not know how to build a bridge, but if you have some old timer looking around and saying, “That car is fast. It’s amazing. Yeah, I built this thing. It’s fast. It’s amazing.” You may be a better driver, you may know more information, but if he reaches over and knocks on your window and says, “Right around that turn there’s a bridge out,” well, he may actually have run his car off on that bridge, or maybe he’s seen a lot of people do it. You need some experience. The people who are supposed to fill that role are your mom and dad.
You need somebody who is a spiritual advisor. You need a mentor. Everybody needs a Paul in their life. Everybody needs a Timothy. Everybody needs a Paul. As you get older, one of the problems is your Pauls die. I tell you, there are so many times in my life in the last few years, I’m thinking, “I need to call somebody,” and they’re dead. I’m thinking, “I’m the one people have to call now,” and it’s a little scary actually.
The fellow who is my youth pastor is still a pastor, and he’s in Florida, and it’s not unusual for me to talk to him at least once a month. We don’t agree on everything, but a lot of times he’ll just call me. Do you know how long it has been since I’ve been in the youth group? He’ll just call me up and say, “How are you doing? How are you and Jody doing? Are you in the Word? What’s going on in your life?” Do you know how much that means?
This is one of the reasons we do LUG and High School, because you need spiritual advisors, but you also need spiritual friends. One of the reasons LUG is designed the way it is is because a high school kid can speak into the life of a middle school kid so much more powerfully than you and I can. They can!
There comes a point in time in a kid’s life when they sort of lose perception about all of life, and I know you think you know everything that’s going on with your kids. But listen. When you were 16, did your mother and dad know what you were doing? No. No. Now I’m going to tell you something. You can say, “Oh no, I’m involved. I know.” You don’t. You don’t. If you think you do, you’re just kidding yourself, or you’re raising some little saint or something. What do you think the likelihood is?
No. They’re like you. They are like you. You have reproduced after your kind. It’s a little scary! They need the voice of a peer group because if they don’t, there comes a time in their life that what their peers think of them means a lot more to them than what their parents think of them. You do know that, don’t you?
If you look at your daughter, and you go, “Sweetie, I don’t think that dress is appropriate,” how long do you think she worries about that? But if she shows up at school and somebody says, “What were you thinking when you put that on? It doesn’t even match,” she thinks about that. That keeps her awake at night.
If some cheerleader walks over and goes, “Oh, sweetie, you need to put some clothes on, baby. You’re not going to attract the right kind of guy,” do you know what? She might as well just cussed her out. She goes, “Oh no! Would you go shopping with me?” They need that! Your kids need that.
These kids who don’t have dads, it breaks my heart that it is so much harder to get men to lead with the kids than it is women. Men, we need to be stepping into that gap. We have a generation of many of these kids who are not fathered. One of the great pleasures I have in my life is I was surrounded by lots of men whom I respected immensely.
If I had ever been mean to Jody, she didn’t need to call a counselor. All she had to do was call my Uncle Danny, and he would call my Uncle Benny, and he would call my granddad Fred, and they would come up in the truck, and they would say, “Hey, Buddy, let’s go for a ride.” They wouldn’t quote any psychologist. They would look at me and go, “What are you thinking, Buddy? It’s the best thing that happened to you? Are you an idiot? What’s going on with your brain, kiddo?” And I’d go, “I don’t know.”
“You’re going to march yourself back in there,” and that’s a polite translation, “and you’re going to apologize and straighten things out.”
“Yes sir.” Do you know why we need counseling so much? It’s because we don’t have dads and uncles and mentors. One of the guys in my life who when I was in college was a mentor to me was Max Helton. Man, I loved him so much. He died of a brain tumor about, well, it’s been probably four years ago.
I remember the last conversation I had with him. He was in the hospital, and his wife Jean called and said, “Max wants to talk to you.” I was driving down the road, and I pulled off the side of the road. I said, “Hey, Max.” He goes, “All I want you to know is that I love you.” Those are the last words I ever heard him say. “All I want you to know is that I love you.”
We need each other. You need people at your table who are giving you godly counsel. If you’re like me, you need a financial counselor. If you ever hear numbers or directions come out of my mouth, say this to yourself, “He means well. If he’s right, it just happened out right, because he doesn’t really usually get those right.”
Let me just tell you something. If you’re going to get a financial counselor, you probably want to find somebody who actually has made it work for themselves. I remember in college, one of my friends and I went in to get our hair cut when we had hair.
David’s hair was really thinning back there, and David got his hair cut, and the barber said to him, “I have this stuff that will help you, and your hair won’t thin so much.” He sold David. We were college students, and we didn’t have very much money. David spent $100 in the barber shop to get this thing that was supposed to make his hair not thin. We got in the car, and I said, “David, the man was bald.” Okay?
I mean this as kindly as I can, but if you will take this seriously and we will take this seriously, this will change the trajectory of your life. If you will seriously teach this to your children, that there’s a way to live that is biblical and works, and there’s a way to live that leads to heartache…
Have you ever had somebody come up to you after they were already completely in love, bought a ring, set the date for a marriage, and said, “Do you think this is the right person to get married to?” You’re going, “You know, yeah,” but you’re thinking, “Run.” But you know if you tell them the truth, they’re going to go home or go to this person whom they are in love with and they’re going to go, “Do you know what Buddy said? Buddy said I shouldn’t marry you.”
Don’t ask people after the train has left the station, because you’re not going to get an honest opinion. If you haven’t done that already and you want an honest answer, get 10 pieces of paper and hand it out to 10 different people and say, “Anonymously mail this back to me, and on a scale of one to a hundred, whether you think we should get married.”
Now when you get that, average the scores. Do you remember that? If it’s like a 72, you’re not ready. If it’s like a 55, that’s an F. If it’s 100, if they do it, whoever they’re sending theirs to, they’re probably saying 72. You didn’t get that, did you? Because if somebody is saying, “Wow, that’s 100. You should marry her right away,” then the person she’s asking and saying, “Well, you’re a 100; he’s an 82.” You’re still not following me, are you? It doesn’t matter.
Guys, I’m going to give you some advice on this if you’re not married already. The object is to marry over your head. Marry over your head. Pray and marry over your head. Okay, let’s pray. We need it. Before we go on to this time of prayer, I just want to do one thing. I’m not going to try to get a bunch of people to come forward or anything, but let’s bow our heads, and just I want you to think through your life right now.
Maybe some of you, you love Jesus, you have prayer time with Jesus, you love the Bible, but you haven’t really put Jesus King in charge of your life, or maybe you had at one time, but it has kind of slipped that relationship, and this morning you just want to acknowledge, “Jesus, I want you CEO, King, Lord, Manager, everything of my life.” Just slip your hand up. Well, glory. Amen. That’s going to change your life. You know that, don’t you? He is amazing. He is the Giver of life. The adventures he will take you on are beyond everything you can imagine or expect.
How many of you this morning would say, “Buddy, I’m looking at this little sheet and I’m recognizing there isn’t clarity on whom I listen to, and I’m going to go home and make some adjustments and really think through who’s at my table”? Just slip your hand up. The reason I ask you to slip your hand up is because that’s the first step. That’s the first step. That’s the first step.
Maybe some of you during worship, you want to just come down and have Communion and just make that. Say, “God, who would you have me have?” Some of you need to fire some people. Some of you need to go home and clean the table off and say, “There are some people I’ve been listening to who aren’t giving my good counsel.” Your mate needs to be at that table.
Lord, thank you so much for you. Thank you that you give supernatural power. Lord, we never want to settle for just principles. You do give us amazing principles, but the power for those principles comes from knowing you in this intimacy. Lord, we want to walk with you, but your Word says so clearly, “Can two walk together unless they are agreed?” We want to agree with you. We want to agree with your directions. We want to agree with your ideas. Your ideas are so much better than our ideas. Lord, we pray it for your glory, amen.